Non-Believer Horoscopes for October 2018

by Blake Wiers

Want to know when it is Halloween? Go to Stone Henge. That’s where some druid shaman kept their calendar. They used the movement of the sun through the giant stone arches to predict all kinds of strange behavior, like the beginning of winter, and sold their magic knowledge to the local celtic populace for the price of a few treats on a holiday called Samhain.

Despite my Disney-installed image of dark robes, I have no idea what costumes the druids wore on Halloween. Over the ages the tradition has been to take back the night by mocking dark spirits. Ghosts. Devils. Naughty cops. Where’s Waldo.

This fall celebration marks the time of year when there is more night than day. If you’re afraid of the dark now, imagine what life was like before streetlights. But not to worry, here comes your local druid with a solution. When the harvest was in and the weather was getting cold, and the sun lined up with the right big rock, the druids begged up a bonfire in the village square. All hallows (holy things, spirits) were attracted to the light on this evening. When the party was in full swing, the spooky-costumed revelers marched in a tricky parade, right out of town, fooling the year’s worth of dead relatives, animals, and crop pixies into following, and getting rid of the haunting for the next twelve moons.

(Yes, for the sake of expediency I may have left out a few human and animal sacrifices, burning altars, and the global holiday phenomenon of leaving out food for visiting spirits.)

Like many of our favorite pre-”one god to rule them all” holidays, Christians have borrowed the date and added their brand to Halloween, when Pope Gregory III designated November First to be All Saints Day in AD 793. Even earlier, the Romans also enjoyed a good Halloween party after conquering the British Isles, blending All Hallow’s Eve with the festival for their goddess Pomona, the apple, fruit, and nuts queen.

Bobbing for apples, anyone?

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ARIES March 21-April 21ish
Just when the retrogrades and eclipses of the summer are feeling like you shook them off, Aries, here comes Venus retrograde on October 6th. Your recent focus on home and stability will take a swing for the fences, literally. You might find yourself wanting to, ahem, build a wall…for privacy.

TAURUS April 21-May 21ish
Here’s your Halloween costume: dirty free-lovin’ hippy. Take off your shoes, and plant them firmly on the surface of this little rock in space. With the full moon in Taurus on October 24th, this is your time to get GROUNDED.

GEMINI May 21-June 21ish
You may be surprised by the joy hosting a Halloween party can bring, Gemini. Get dressed up as both of your selves, scare the shit out of some friends, and drink all the punch, because with your planet Mercury entering optimistic Sagittarius on the 31st, the hangover will be easy. Right?

CANCER June 21-July 21ish
What costume do you wear every day, Cancer? Proud provider? Big shot? Humble servant? Average shmoe? Saucy thing? Halloween is a chance to dress up, but you may choose to go a little deeper with your transformation when the Sun enters Scorpio on October 23rd. You know what they say, the clothes make the (wo)man.

LEO July 21-August 21 or so
After a rocky September, things begin to bang along nicely for you in October, Leo. This horror show is at your command, with people lining up for your advice. However, dispensing the wisdom may seem like a bit of a task, due to the Venus retrograde. Don’t be surprised if you find yourself dressed up, posting pictures, and staying home.

VIRGO August 21-September 21ish
Take a deep breath, Virgo. Look around. Feel the ground beneath your feet. This is the spot. You are right where you are supposed to be. But are you in your happy place? Make it so. With the the Full Moon in Taurus (home) opposite the Sun in Scorpio (transformation), you can move mountains.

LIBRA September 21-October 21 (and a few on either side)
For most of the month, you’re getting good birthday vibes. With the sun in Libra, your uplifted soul may be providing the light as the days grow short. Share the love. When Venus retrograde enters Libra on October 31st, there may be an art to compromising.

SCORPIO October 21-November 21ish
Venus is retrograde in your sign most of this month, and then the Sun enters Scorpio on the 23rd. What does that mean? Three weeks of hiding your personal affections, followed by one week of wearing them on your sleeve, for everyone to see.

SAGITTARIUS November 21-December 21
Since September, you’ve had Jupiter, Saturn and Pluto in your corner, cheering you on. October has you carrying on with the good work, Sagittarius, but be mindful of each step you take. Mars is squaring all your good influences, ready to trip you up, especially if you’re rushing and carrying the scissors the wrong way.

CAPRICORN December 21-January 21ish
Flying under the radar can be remarkably effective. So what if no one notices how much you have achieved recently, Capricorn? You know. Mind your own business and let them wonder what you are smiling about.

AQUARIUS January 21-February 21
There is liberty, and there is freedom. Liberty is the hard-fought right to make personal choices. Freedom is when everyone has that right. Right now, Uranus is stimulating your liberty, and Neptune is leaving you wanting to connect the dots to that higher state, freedom.

PISCES February 21-March 21 and a bit
Mars in opposition to Pisces gives you a boost of energy  this month, but don’t stray too far from home if you want to be effective. On the other hand, if a loved one invites you out for a little well-intentioned revelry, go to the damn yoga retreat, you lunkhead. (Just keep open the option to “beat  the traffic” on the way home.)

Republished courtesy The South Shore Puzzle Journal.

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